“Does your son want to be a Locksmith, like you, when he grows up?” I asked my friend.
“He wants to be a Garbageman,” he replied.
“Why a Garbageman?”
“He thinks that Garbagemen work only on Tuesdays.”
Reaching the end of a job interview, I ask this young Locksmith-Wanna-Be, "And what starting salary are you looking for?" The boy replies, "In the region of $125,000 a year, depending on the benefits package." In which I replied, "Well, what would you say to a package of five weeks vacation, 14 paid holidays, full medical and dental, company matching retirement fund to 50% of salary, and a company car leased every two years, say, a red Corvette?" The boy sits up straight and says, "Wow! Are you kidding?" I reply, "Yeah, but you started it."
A child asked his father, "How were people born?" So his father said, "Adam and Eve made babies, then their babies became adults and made babies, and so on." The child then went to his mother, asked her the same question and she told him, "We were monkeys then we evolved to become like we are now." The child ran back to his father and said, "You lied to me!" His father replied, "No, your mom was talking about her side of the family."
Instead of "the John," I call my toilet "the Jim." That way it sounds better when I say I go to the Jim first thing every morning.